I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
