the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
