Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
