I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
