so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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