im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I supernannyed him into submission
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize