Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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