there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
