Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
