Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
