i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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