YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
