Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
