I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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