Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
