There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
