$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
