Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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