Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
