am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
