Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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