Soap is not a condiment
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
