I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
