Tell her she can't have a vagina
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
