i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love having hate sex.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
