I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Will you blow on my dice?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
