she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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