dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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