Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
