Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
