I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
