turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
