i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
