4 words: hood of his car
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
