I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Your penis caused this!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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