yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
