Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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