I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All the doctor said was why
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
