just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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