This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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