I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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