if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
