I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The beer is more important than you right now.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
