I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
