You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
