I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
