Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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