Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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