I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
