you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
