Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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