am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
