i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
