its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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