I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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