I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just cropdusted the office
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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