I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
