We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
vagina is talking i cant
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize