He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
