Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
