i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
