i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
