i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize