i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
