puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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