Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
