The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
