i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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