I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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