it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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