So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
