Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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