She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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