Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
