i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
