Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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