It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
