I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
